it’s almost 3am, i’m still awake. i have a lot in my mind. i’m spent. the m11 prerelease tournament didn’t do this. in fact, most of it i enjoyed even though i only get to win two rounds; that was more than enough to suffice me.

i just feel tired right now. tired of taking care of stubborn people. tired of people complaining too much. tired of being treated like some kid who just failed to graduate in primary school. tired of being blamed for other people’s mishap and misfortunes. tired of suppressing my ideas and decisions. just tired.

realization is a painful process but i think i was able to endure most part of it. people change sometimes they change for the worse. i always try to be just when criticizing unless it was for the humor of it. Pointing fingers is not really in my nature so here am i wallowing over my own futile efforts to make everything worthwhile. My stress is my own doing. this is the point where i pretend to be all knowledgeable and try to hypothesize the situation and deal with it but who am i kidding? The mere fact, im blogging again explains that my brain can no longer endure to keep up with the commotion running to and fro in my head.

i try to look around me virtually and see people not meeting up to my expectations. its not their fault they have to go on living their lives purposely aligned to their individual goals, we all do. i just hope that people should also consider the feelings of others while they’re at it going about their 24-hour day and night routine. checked.

im spent and by saying this im proving to myself that i’ve been beaten by life’s challenges. this is just like the tournament yesterday. i lose the first two games using the colors i am good at and when i changed deck to green/white i won the last two rounds. maybe this also true in life, depending on the usual and doing the common things you always do might cause disappointment in the later part of life. Maybe its time to move out of the cycle and try something new. then maybe i can gain control of my head again.

i casted mighty leap that gave my boar a +2/+2 and flying, whoa!

I’m dying to catch my breath
Oh why don’t i ever learn
I’ve lost all my trust though i’ve surely tried to
Turn it around

Can you still see the heart of me?
All my agony fades away
When you hold me in your embrace

Don’t tear me down
For all i need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe
Don’t tear me down
You’ve opened the door now
Don’t let it close

I’m here on the edge again
I wish I could let it go
I know that I’m only one step away
From turning around

Can you still see the heart of me?
All my agony fades away
When you hold me in your embrace

Don’t tear me down
For all i need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe
Don’t tear it down
What’s left of me
Make my heart a better place

I’ve tried many times but nothing was real
Make it fade away
Don’t tear me down
I want to believe that this is for real
Save me from my fear
Don’t tear me down

Don’t tear me down
For all i need
Make my heart a better place

Don’t tear me down
For all i need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something i can believe
Don’t tear it down
What’s left of me
Make my heart a better place
Make my heart a better place

The night is young. I’m sitting just outside the house smoking a cigar sipping coffee with Bruce. There’s a drinking session nearby and my friends jokingly invites me to sit and drink with them. Tempting offer, that is If I drink alcohol but I don’t. Well, even if I do, I wouldn’t knowing that someone I really abhor is with them. I just smiled at them and declines the offer, which is the usual reaction they always get from me. I never liked drinking, I easily get drunk and my face painted in red. I feel that being intoxicated is not my way of celebrating any event unless my boss forces me to take a shot then that’s the only time I would be forcing myself to ingest alcohol to my system. That happened once, when we were in Japan stranded in an airport when my manager bought me a mug of draft beer. After drinking half of it, I felt a bit nauseous and my face began turning red and I escaped quickly to the restroom to wash away the heat inside. Anyway, to make the long story short, I finished 3/4 of the draft and inside the plane, I have this really unwanted feeling of sleepiness, nausea and throwing up but I have to get myself together or I’ll be causing a big commotion that might turn the japs into ninjas and start shooting star blades at me. So, I just slept it out for the first 30 minutes of the flight and made it in one dry piece to our destination.

Drinking alcohol can never be found in my dictionary of what to do in my life, I feel that life is too important to miss out on things when you can’t handle your guts because you’re too drunk. But yes, there are times when I have to bend rules in certain circumstances like important business meetings or cocktail parties where I need to show respect or suck up to my bosses. This is what I call political drinking where my career is somewhat on the line and at that moment drinking with them can buy me an ounce of good impression. Like they say: “when in rome, do as the romans do”.

You might think that my life is pretty boring with all this non-alcohol day and night shift happening. It’s not, I do find highs in some other “stuffs” like smoking and playing Magic The Gathering Cards but that’s another story.

Drink moderately.

It seems that the music of summer is in extended play. My work mood has been affected big time! Productivity level is at low. I never complain about my work because it’s my passion, I love what I do. But this, the heat and all has been very much uncomfortable. Having a home-based job is quite cool but working inside a room under 38 degrees Celsius or hotter is absurd. Our air conditioner cannot compete with the heat so its not an option to use it since I’ll just be wasting money on electricity. Bummer!

So, Honey and I, decided a work around on this predicament. We adopted Bruce. A core2duo, HP notebook powerful enough to do my bidding as a web developer. I’m looking at an option to work outside the house to a fully air conditioned coffee shop or any place that serves chilled air and free wifi. We pre-tested it in starbucks and we’re happy with the connection, Its just that I have to spend a little more on coffee and donuts. It’s a good trade-off rather than working at home sweating, getting pissed -off, drinking iced soda like hell.

Honey also found Bruce to be a very useful tool with her blogging and work stuffs. We get to spend time together too and at times I want to play MTG, I can have her wait comfortably in the coffee shop sipping frapuccino and writing. Decision wise, its a good deal.

I hope it snows in Manila!

A post dedicated for those people, who suffered a lot… after nature’s wrath… I hope that they get the needed help and that political issues step aside… to pave way for what is necessary in these times of dire needs…

Last year, I thought of entering the year with a new set of fish and a new tank set up… I bought 3 red telescope, black gravel and thought of keeping goldfish instead of tetras and barbs, a sort of upgrading my fish passion…

Problems struck me… The black gravel is as black as its name… I’ve been cleaning and filtering it manually to no avail and up until now, its unusable and still flushing out black dirt when i wash it… The gold fish, well the name aren’t synonymous on how they keep the look of the aquarium, they only go with a subtle setup and they dirty up the water with their waste and left over food… I thought of limiting the decoration with stones and marbles and a small castle… and to solve my problem with the water being tainted as early as 3 days, I bought this new overhead filter which is far stronger than the one I used with my tetras.. it seems to be working at my first install and for the first time I can see the water and the tank alive with the bubbles  here and there… yet seeing it this morning I still think that I may not be able to keep up with their uncontrollable waste disposal attitude.. arrgghhh!!!!

If by my next month it still persists… I may shift to tetras again…  or maybe angel fish or maybe sharks waaahhh!!!

This ain’t fishville brother!

2009 has been somewhat a good year to me and my family… in all aspects… Im looking forward for a better 2010… I made a simple list on what I would like to achieve or happen this year in random order …

- Get more, more clients to make more money for my family…
- Visit other countries preferably somewhere in Europe or the States…
- A fully renovated house
- A family car
- Laptop
- More outings with Honey

Things to focus on and practice:
- Maintain good health and eat good nutritious food for the family
- Less profanity
- Good time management
- Disciplined business attitude
- Humility

We don’t need to dream it all.. Just live a day…

Every business encounters its high and lows… and battles economic hardships to even threaten its existence in the competitive market…

The past 2 weeks, I have faced  challenging times both personal and business wise. Though battered by weary thoughts and confusion. I have one thing that sticks in my brain, losing is never an option. I have to be optimistic and believe in myself that i can sustain xdcweb. Struggling during those gloomy days, warding of blades of grass, wandering in my darkest thoughts, I never called out defeat. Amidst the hard times, I slowly cut out the weeds that tainted my thinking and slowly inch closer to clearer path…. Its tough but I made it. technically some of my clients also suffered in delays but those days were spent on fruitful reflection for i firmly believed that a clouded mind can only produce an unclear crooked output…

By next week, A new dawn of xdcweb will emerge…. Our team will start on developing a new site with new promos and I also decided that a business blog will be appropriate in this new design… so watch out! …

xdcweb is not just about business.. its also our passion… 

…. A post, a space to give thanks to the woman who bravely faced the tyrants and opened the doorway to a new born homeland, a country of liberty and freedom.

The only president of the Philippines who gave essential meaning to honesty leadership…

Thank you President Corazon Aquino… Your legacy will remain in the hearts of each Filipinos…

You touched the very heart of each and everyone…

Sometimes I feel I’ve got to
Run away I’ve got to
Get away
From the pain you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
And I’ve lost my light
For I toss and turn I can’t sleep at night

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I’ll run from you
This tainted love you’ve given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that’s not nearly all
Oh…tainted love
Tainted love

Now I know I’ve got to
Run away I’ve got to
Get away
You don’t really want anymore from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you think love is to pray
But I’m sorry I don’t pray that way

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I’ll run from you
This tainted love you’ve given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that’s not nearly all
Oh…tainted love
Tainted love

Don’t touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I’m gonna pack my things and go
Tainted love, tainted love (x2)
Touch me baby, tainted love (x2)
Tainted love (x3)